A Letter to Myselves

Dear Little Me

There are so many things I wish I could tell you that would change the course of the heartbreak in your life.

I wish I could share wisdom with you (or even cram it down your throat) to help you avoid the days when the shadows are more prominent than the light.

The problem is you can’t listen to me because you need to do things your way. I mean this in the most loving way possible. You really do need to do it your way because you are becoming you. You learn who you are through trial, error, and paying attention (this means you’ll be making some mistakes.)

Most of the heartbreak you suffer will be coming to you at your own hands. Sure he will hurt you. Yes she will betray you. They will talk about you. Others will laugh at you. Many will leave you. Your thighs will be the wrong shape. Your tummy won’t be flat enough. You won’t like how your tush looks. Your hair will be too something. The real problem is that in those moments you will be harder on yourself than any of them could be.

You will believe you deserved things you didn’t. You will believe you didn”t deserve things you did. You may act tough and rash (or weak and wimpy,) but inside there will be a nagging voice that will turn on you. There is another voice inside you too. It’s the one you don”t listen to often enough, but you will wish you had. The sooner you obey it, the sooner you will find peace.

What can I do to prevent crappy things from happening to you? Nothing. I can’t stop those event in the first place, but we do have a choice and a voice about how long the crap continues to hit the fan. (When it hits the fan, the sooner you step out of the way the less shit will get on you.)

Here are some secrets you need to know…

  • you are not the only one who feels the way you do – they may not tell you they do, but they do
  • the things you tell yourself you can’t survive – you probably already have many times over
  • you will stop crying – it’s guaranteed
  • your body will never be just the way you want it – it doesn”t have to be the way you want it to be beautiful, have fun, give, and receive love anyway
  • a pair of fat pants is a wardrobe essential
  • if he or she doesn’t like your body – then by all means don”t let him or her have your body
  • have a backup plan for bad hair days
  • change is scary – so fucking what – do it anyway
  • if you aren’t kind to you – then you aren’t a kind person – be a kind person
  • pursue your dreams – learn more ways to say yes
  • if you don’t mean yes – then don’t say it
  • sleep is essential – but you can never own too many types of under-eye concealer
  • if they didn”t teach you the skills you need – go get them somewhere else
  • if you can’t forgive yourself – then you are not a forgiving person – be a forgiving person


it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
~e.e. cummings
Age 15.  The black attire was a costume for play. But the grief was no act.


Age 16.  Goofing off or am I trying out for True Blood?
Greater than 50. Less than 60. Finally seeing some light.


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  1. Tracey says:

    Thank you so much Gayle … needed these words of wisdom tonight!!

    This needs to be my new mantra .. reading this everyday.

    Love and light to you

    1. The Mess says:

      Tracey! How did you find me so quickly? I’m just now working on recreating my website. It’s a work in progress. So stay tuned!


      1. Tracey says:

        Lol i have no idea.. i got your email with this little message … and it came at the right time lol ..
        I wont ever lose you .. you inspire me xx

        1. The Mess says:

          You must have subscribed ages ago! I have to tell you that your comment appearing so quickly is the “breadcrumb” I needed! I’m in the process of rebuilding the site. The other one was hacked. More about all of that will no doubt show up right here as I’ll be writing my way out of the cave I’ve been in. Thank you for being here and for being the little bit of validation I needed to know I’m on the right track. <3

  2. Carmella Bradwell says:

    WOW…! So last evening while chatting with my previously hopeless daughter, your name came up. She has just started some forward thinking thoughts again after spending the better part of the last two years focused on the end of life. Her renewed interest in going back to school for a MSW reminded me of your gifts. Gayle, you have a way to connect with people that matters! I shared with her how much you helped sort through the ‘mess’ that was my life at that time. Imagine my surprise when I later crawl into bed with phone in hand, for a quick check of email before sleep. And there YOU were! After way too long, I might add!!! Read and related big time to ‘A Letter to Myselves”. Called Kate into my bedroom to tell her how the universe had just eavesdropped on our convo and brought you back to life! Had her read the letter and she was equally inspired. Timing IS everything…
    With a grateful heart,


    1. The Mess says:

      Tears. I have wondered so many times what happened with you and Kate. I would look at your Facebook page for hints. I suppose that process mimicked what people were doing with me and A Beautiful Mess’s Page. Sometimes you just don’t have words or the inclination to talk about what is is happening. I was too close. I had no perspective. Thankfully perspective and opportunity is arriving. So I’ll make my way back and share. Hopefully there will be useful nuggets in the sharing.

      Please send Kate a hug for me. I’m glad she’s home and indeed had a home to come to.

      And of course the timing gives me goosebumps. Yet another breadcrumb from the universe for me. Thank you for that!

      Much love to you Carm. -Gayle

  3. Karen says:

    I am so happy to see you back Gayle. I have missed you so much. I have done a lot of work on myself, but I still need reminders. 😉

    1. The Mess says:

      “I have a done a lot of work on myself, but I still need reminders.” ME TOO Karen!!! Me too! So glad you found your way back here.

  4. Dory Manz says:

    Gayle, I’ve missed your messiness and wondered what was up. Glad you are back. Your messiness resonates with mine. I’m a loving and kind person trying to give myself the same level of love and acceptance I give others, not so easy. Live, love, laugh, let go, laugh some more.

    1. The Mess says:

      Thank you Dory. Life got in the way. And the words dried up or so i thought. Seems they might have been aging into a new train of MESSages. 💜

  5. Susan says:

    Thanks for carrying the MESSage. Your writings speak to me. Glad I’m not alone. It makes me smile.

    1. The Mess says:

      Knowing we’re not alone is really the whole point of me being here. So happy to help!

  6. The Mess says:

    Hi Marianne.
    I’m so sorry to hear about your son. It’s a one breath at a time sort of time for you.

    I hope you have a support system around you. Grieving with no support is dark – sometime you’ve got to let someone else hold the candle for you.

    Instagram, etc. can be so overwhelming… take your time. You’ll figure it out! I’m in the process of rebuilding my website. There is a LOT of content hanging out on my Facebook Page… http://www.facebook.com/abeautifulmessinside.com. You might find some thing to help you hang on during the messy times.


  7. Joyce says:

    I searched for you. I found you. The posts are from the past. They still speak. They still matter. Come back.

    1. The Mess says:

      Hi Joyce… I came back to make sure the website is still working. Oh my… I’ve been away a long time. Are you still out there?

      ~the mess

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